I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
