sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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