Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
