im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The Olympian is in my bed
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
