Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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