Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
