I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
