There was a lot of him and a little penis
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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