But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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