You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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