she was so not down for the gang bang
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
