How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
