OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
