you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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