Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
