I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
