if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
