anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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