New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just threw up on my dentist
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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