So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
