But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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