I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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