dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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