I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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