I feel great
I just peed on a car
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
