Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
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I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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