I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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