Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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