I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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