she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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