cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
