life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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