I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
