You're so nebulous sometimes
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
