That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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