well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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