She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
