I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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