if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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