We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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