does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
