I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
