i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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