I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
