I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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