hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
