You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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