This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
