I didn't shave. On purpose
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
