my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
