Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
