Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
