he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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