i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
