and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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