Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
