Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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