Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
