I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
