you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
