his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
