i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my being single is dangerous.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
