My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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