She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
