dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
