Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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