Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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