I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
