I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
