We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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