this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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