Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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