I'm lost and stupid without you.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
