Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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