dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
