dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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