I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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