is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
